Post by Angel_of_Music on May 3, 2023 22:46:19 GMT -5
I know I've been updating you all here and there about my mom and her battle with colon cancer. I apologize for the long read u.u
Yesterday she...took a turn downhill. Lori called me at work and let me know what was going on, said she was going to be moved to the Lehigh Valley hospice unit and would be made comfortable. She also said that I would need to be on call to give the consent for what they were going to do and Lori, being the health advisor for mom, would sign the papers. So after that call I was able to go back to work, but I let Sarah, the manager now at that time, know what was going on. At the one point I went to the back to get something and I heard the phone ring. I saw it was Lori's number and I quick picked it up and looked out the window to Sarah. I signaled to her that this was the call I was waiting for. She came and got the headset and I was on the phone for almost 17 minutes. I closed the door though so I could focus on the call. Mom was then moved to the inpatient hospice unit later in the afternoon. Dad and Cheryleen came and got me so I could go up and see mom. Lori had said that if they could get me up there, she'd bring me home. Well I figured if they took me up there, they could take me home. Either way, we got up there around 7, got parked and went in. I asked the lady at the info desk and she guided us to the blue elevators. From there we followed the signs. Dad and Cheryleen waited in the family room instead of the lounge and I went to find mom's room. I found a nurse and said who I was there to see and she said 'okay, they're still in the room getting her settled and comfortable. You can wait in the lounge here and we'll come get you when it's all good'. I let her know I would actually be in the family room and she said okay.
I went back and sat with Dad and Cheryleen for about maybe ten minutes before Bridgit was coming in to talk to us. We introduced ourselves and then she let us know that mom had a nice bath, she was resting and sleeping and just let us know that her care was going to be in good hands and they would make her comfortable. She then said that it could be a matter of hours to maybe a couple of days. Yea, my heart sank when she said 'hours'. She then said how she had been cataloging the things that came with mom and I said that I would be taking everything with me except for a few things and she understood. She then mentioned how the unit would also check in with me from time to time to see how I'm doing, which is nice. After we all had that little chat, Bridgit took me back to see mom. She lead me to the room and...I had to stop short when I saw mom. I was...not prepared. I noticed though that she had a Nanook beanie baby with her and I pointed it out to Bridgit and she said 'oh we figured that was a little stuffy from home' and I said 'I would have remembered bringing that to her. I guess one of her other friends put it with her' and Bridgit said 'oh okay, yea maybe because it was tucked in among her with her blankets'. She left me and I went over and knelt beside the bed. Yea it was low enough I had to kneel. I put my hands on her blanket and just talked a little. She didn't wake up, but I knew she was listening. After a few minutes I stood up and moved to the chair in the one corner. I just talked a little more, then brought up youtube and played a song that she and I both liked. Lori got there around 8 and gave me the folder of the papers that she had signed. She went over and let mom know she was there, then sat in the one chair. We talked about trips that mom and I had taken and funny moments and other little things. We stayed til almost 9 before I gathered up her things. I went over and put my hand on hers and told her that I loved her. We left a couple pictures though on the board. We met up with dad and Cheryleen and took our leave. Lori went home while Dad, Cheryleen and I went to Red Robin for a late dinner. We got back here to the house and unpacked the stuff and I said good night to them. I stayed up a little later than I should have, but I eventually got to bed.
Now...to this morning. I had gotten a text from Lori saying that she was going to go up and sit with mom for a little bit and then she could pick me up later and drop me off and I could spend the night with mom, then she could pick me up in the morning and bring me home. Now, while that was a nice offer, I have a weird thing for sleeping in a room with someone that I could possibly find 'passed on' in the morning. I've had it happen before, but it was with a dog of ours and it...creeped me out. Yes, I perhaps should have, but because of that creepy factor, I...I couldn't do it. I explained it to Lori and she fully understood. I asked Jen, our district manager if we got bereavement leave and she said yes, that was a thing and I explained to her what was going on with my mom and she then said 'if you need to keep your phone on you, go ahead'. So I tucked it into my pocket, but then went to use the ladies room. I clocked in when I was good to go and set to stocking things. I saw a text from Lori saying she was on her way to see mom. I was working on salad pack kits when I saw another text from Lori. It was almost 10 at this time. She was asking about the earrings that mom had and I said 'those are going to stay with mom, those are special to her' and she understood. It was then a little after 10 that I hear Amber greet someone up front and they were asking for a manager and for me. Well I didn't hear that part, but I had looked over and...that's when I saw my dad and Cheryleen. My heart sank. I went over and my dad gave me this look and just pulled me in for a hug. It was then I knew. I hugged him for what seemed forever before I finally asked 'when?'.
My friends, I have officially lost my mother. She lost her battle with colon cancer at 8:30 this morning. I cried a little through the time that they were there and at one point dad asked what I was going to do and I said 'for once...i don't know' and he said 'and that's okay'. He meant more along the lines of 'am I going to go home or am I going to finish my shift'. I stayed and finished my shift out, said that if I went home, I'd only be going in circles. They both understood. It was a little after 10:30 that they took their leave and I went to finishing stocking the corner for the day. I let Jen know what had happened and she gave me her condolences and asked if I was going to need days off. I said that I was going to stay on the schedule, but when I needed those days off, I would let her know and she understood. At another point, our higher higher up, Elena, Jen's boss, came in and when I saw her, I smiled and waved going 'Hi Elena!'. This woman has only known me for maybe two years, but she came over to me right away, grabbed me in a hug and while patting my back she said 'I'm so sorry for your loss honey, if there's anything we can do, please let us know'. That...touched me right there. I thanked her and I said I'll let them know. I made it through my shift and kept it together. When Sarah came in, I let her know what had happened and she hugged me as well.
So...that's where I'm at. Mom has passed and I'm now in that position of having to find my path.
Yesterday she...took a turn downhill. Lori called me at work and let me know what was going on, said she was going to be moved to the Lehigh Valley hospice unit and would be made comfortable. She also said that I would need to be on call to give the consent for what they were going to do and Lori, being the health advisor for mom, would sign the papers. So after that call I was able to go back to work, but I let Sarah, the manager now at that time, know what was going on. At the one point I went to the back to get something and I heard the phone ring. I saw it was Lori's number and I quick picked it up and looked out the window to Sarah. I signaled to her that this was the call I was waiting for. She came and got the headset and I was on the phone for almost 17 minutes. I closed the door though so I could focus on the call. Mom was then moved to the inpatient hospice unit later in the afternoon. Dad and Cheryleen came and got me so I could go up and see mom. Lori had said that if they could get me up there, she'd bring me home. Well I figured if they took me up there, they could take me home. Either way, we got up there around 7, got parked and went in. I asked the lady at the info desk and she guided us to the blue elevators. From there we followed the signs. Dad and Cheryleen waited in the family room instead of the lounge and I went to find mom's room. I found a nurse and said who I was there to see and she said 'okay, they're still in the room getting her settled and comfortable. You can wait in the lounge here and we'll come get you when it's all good'. I let her know I would actually be in the family room and she said okay.
I went back and sat with Dad and Cheryleen for about maybe ten minutes before Bridgit was coming in to talk to us. We introduced ourselves and then she let us know that mom had a nice bath, she was resting and sleeping and just let us know that her care was going to be in good hands and they would make her comfortable. She then said that it could be a matter of hours to maybe a couple of days. Yea, my heart sank when she said 'hours'. She then said how she had been cataloging the things that came with mom and I said that I would be taking everything with me except for a few things and she understood. She then mentioned how the unit would also check in with me from time to time to see how I'm doing, which is nice. After we all had that little chat, Bridgit took me back to see mom. She lead me to the room and...I had to stop short when I saw mom. I was...not prepared. I noticed though that she had a Nanook beanie baby with her and I pointed it out to Bridgit and she said 'oh we figured that was a little stuffy from home' and I said 'I would have remembered bringing that to her. I guess one of her other friends put it with her' and Bridgit said 'oh okay, yea maybe because it was tucked in among her with her blankets'. She left me and I went over and knelt beside the bed. Yea it was low enough I had to kneel. I put my hands on her blanket and just talked a little. She didn't wake up, but I knew she was listening. After a few minutes I stood up and moved to the chair in the one corner. I just talked a little more, then brought up youtube and played a song that she and I both liked. Lori got there around 8 and gave me the folder of the papers that she had signed. She went over and let mom know she was there, then sat in the one chair. We talked about trips that mom and I had taken and funny moments and other little things. We stayed til almost 9 before I gathered up her things. I went over and put my hand on hers and told her that I loved her. We left a couple pictures though on the board. We met up with dad and Cheryleen and took our leave. Lori went home while Dad, Cheryleen and I went to Red Robin for a late dinner. We got back here to the house and unpacked the stuff and I said good night to them. I stayed up a little later than I should have, but I eventually got to bed.
Now...to this morning. I had gotten a text from Lori saying that she was going to go up and sit with mom for a little bit and then she could pick me up later and drop me off and I could spend the night with mom, then she could pick me up in the morning and bring me home. Now, while that was a nice offer, I have a weird thing for sleeping in a room with someone that I could possibly find 'passed on' in the morning. I've had it happen before, but it was with a dog of ours and it...creeped me out. Yes, I perhaps should have, but because of that creepy factor, I...I couldn't do it. I explained it to Lori and she fully understood. I asked Jen, our district manager if we got bereavement leave and she said yes, that was a thing and I explained to her what was going on with my mom and she then said 'if you need to keep your phone on you, go ahead'. So I tucked it into my pocket, but then went to use the ladies room. I clocked in when I was good to go and set to stocking things. I saw a text from Lori saying she was on her way to see mom. I was working on salad pack kits when I saw another text from Lori. It was almost 10 at this time. She was asking about the earrings that mom had and I said 'those are going to stay with mom, those are special to her' and she understood. It was then a little after 10 that I hear Amber greet someone up front and they were asking for a manager and for me. Well I didn't hear that part, but I had looked over and...that's when I saw my dad and Cheryleen. My heart sank. I went over and my dad gave me this look and just pulled me in for a hug. It was then I knew. I hugged him for what seemed forever before I finally asked 'when?'.
My friends, I have officially lost my mother. She lost her battle with colon cancer at 8:30 this morning. I cried a little through the time that they were there and at one point dad asked what I was going to do and I said 'for once...i don't know' and he said 'and that's okay'. He meant more along the lines of 'am I going to go home or am I going to finish my shift'. I stayed and finished my shift out, said that if I went home, I'd only be going in circles. They both understood. It was a little after 10:30 that they took their leave and I went to finishing stocking the corner for the day. I let Jen know what had happened and she gave me her condolences and asked if I was going to need days off. I said that I was going to stay on the schedule, but when I needed those days off, I would let her know and she understood. At another point, our higher higher up, Elena, Jen's boss, came in and when I saw her, I smiled and waved going 'Hi Elena!'. This woman has only known me for maybe two years, but she came over to me right away, grabbed me in a hug and while patting my back she said 'I'm so sorry for your loss honey, if there's anything we can do, please let us know'. That...touched me right there. I thanked her and I said I'll let them know. I made it through my shift and kept it together. When Sarah came in, I let her know what had happened and she hugged me as well.
So...that's where I'm at. Mom has passed and I'm now in that position of having to find my path.
